


The good, the bad and the fanesh

by HolyGodzilla



Category: Donald Trump - Fandom, david Cameron - Fandom, theresa may - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:50:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9565868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyGodzilla/pseuds/HolyGodzilla
Summary: This was a interesting and brilliant idea my friend and I had in physics so enjoy





	1. Chapter 1

He never thought that this day would come. Well not so soon. And not like this.

The Brexit vote had come through and David's heart had been broken, to leave the EU would mean to have to negotiate the terms of the leave. He wasn't strong enough, he didn't believe in this cause and wished to take no part in it. His only other option was to step down and let someone else take the wheel to steer the UK into the future.

David's heart ached as he walked though the classic white hallway for the last time.

"Go wait outside" He said to his wife as she took the hands of his children and lead them out.

With them gone, David could truly take in the atmosphere and feeling that he had whenever he was in number ten Downing Street. 

At that moment, the door mades its unmistakable clicking sound , he turned expecting to see a member of staff or perhaps someone in his team to join him. But it was far from it. 

"Oh, Hello, Mr Cameron, I didn't realise you were still here" Mrs May strutted into the room making the gap between them smaller and smaller until she was inches from David's tense body.

"Oh um yeah" he stammered trying to regain his professional composure.

Her wrinkled but plump lips morphed into a smirk, a knowing look showing she was aware of the effect she was having on him.

His eyes quickly scanned her features to maybe predict her next move, but before he could come up with anything to say, she floated past him and continued on her way.

David was shook up. Her face alone made him feel so comfortable yet so on edge. Her corse grey hair reminded him of the clouds that drifted above his house as a child.  
He shook his head, he was a married man and she was a old married lady, such impure thoughts would throw his brain into a spin, let alone the nation, into pandemonium.


	2. Trump's Secreto

David was utterly annoyed when he was informed that his new home was yet to be ready. And if he wasn't a respectable adult that was sorta in charge of the country, he would have stamped his feet against the ground and threw a tantrum.  
I mean what needed to be prepared about his new house, the 100% ivory grand piano and gold encased fire place didn't take that much effort to install.

But now because of this inconvenience, David and his family were temporarily condemned to living in a awful 5 star hotel, David felt like a commoner, it was horrible for him, he was no poor savage.

I mean he even had to share showers. David was already pissed off and as he twisted the sliver handle on the tap, he angrily wrapped his towel around is slim but powerful frame and slung it over his shoulder. Many might say it made him look like a Greek philosopher or God, David preferred the latter.  
As he stepped out into the communal space, he could hear the spurts of water coming from someone else's cubical.

Ugh, David thought , he hated the thought of someone else in the same place when he was cleansing his body.  
But something caught him off guard as he looked down at the marble floor and watched the water coming from the cubical, turn orange. And what seemed to be fake tan ran into the drain like my will to live.  
He was sure that he hadn't stumbled into the female showers and he didn't know any men that would wear fake tan them selves so who was this stranger in the shower.

David was about to put the matter aside and return to his room, when the water coming from the shower ceased and the glass door opened.

He took a sharp intake of breath and his pupils dilated with surprise but something else, lust? 

The man that had been described many a time as a cheesy puff, racist, sexist, arsehole, was stood in front of David, his small cheeto  
staring him in the face. 

Trump did not look surprised at the former prime minister of England staring at him as he stood naked in the shower room. His face twitched, a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth not to mention the small look of excited he held.

''Mr prime minister, didn't know you were here senor " the islamaphobe remarked. David gasped at his voice, for it was not his usual American accent but sounded more, Spanish?

David was about to stammer that he was no longer the prime minister but his words hardly left go mouth as the homophobe stepped so close to him that David could feel his warm breath on his face.

David couldn't help but wish that their faces were even closer. But he knew he couldn't, even though he was struggling to hold back his body from colliding with the arsehole.

"I-it's a nnice day, huh?" David stammered racking his small brain for something witty to say.

"It is now you're here" Trump said "eres hermosa"

There is was again the Spanish words, but how was that possible David thought, he's American.

"What?" David stammered he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

But David's thoughts were cut off by lips smashing against his own. Their tongues danced a samba rather than a regular fox trot.

Though David was not alarmed but the fact he was making out with a fake tanned idiot, but his eyes snapped open when he finally pinpointed what he could could tastes on the racists tongue.

Other than the prominent taste of the blood of his victims he could taste chile and the unmistakable taste of a burrito.  
In a burst of anger and frustration, David pushed Trump back from his body. Things weren't adding up and David wouldn't stop until he got to the bottom of it.

"¿Que pasa?" Blurted Trump "was I too rough for you, we can try again?"

"No" David exclaimed his eyebrows tuned into a frown on his huge forehead.

The homophobe looked almost hurt from his outburst.

"I want the truth, what with all the Spanish, the tongue tango, the orange water and the upside down question marks" 

Trumps face faded from his hurt expression to an embarrassed one.

"I'm so sorry senor" his gaze drifted to the floor and his whole body deflated.

"I'm just so embarrassed." 

David was more confused then Europe was when Australia took part in Eurovision.  
What was he talking about? Trump, the biggest douche in the universe, embarrassed?

He looked up meeting Davids eyes staring deep into him like this was the only time he'd opened up to anyone.

"The thing is, I'm actually Mexican"

Davids feet were rooted to the ground like tree trunks, his head fighting the urge to laugh or to run to his room and ring the foreign secretary.

"I just wanted build a wall because they rejected me and I'm just so scared of being rejected I wanted the power to show them I was worth their time, it all got out of hand an-"

Trumps ramblings were cut short by David pressing his lips against the arseholes mouth. Their lips fitting perfectly together like they were made for one another. But he knew it couldn't last and as soon as he stepped out the doors this could never be spoke of again.

And so, David intended to make this moment last.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter #3  
The good the bad and the fanesh

Contrary to popular belief, Theresa May had not been around in the time of the dinosaurs - despite the wrinkles that were sprawled under her eyes and on her forehead.

However, she was not the youngest of ladies and obviously her eyesight was not what it used to be, now resembling that of a mole.

And that was the downfall that lead her astray that day. I mean, the women symbol was just a man with a cape on right.  
Though she didn't realise she'd stumbled into the males shower room until her eyes fell upon the two men who were viciously making out against the wall.

A gasp escaped Mrs May's mouth, loud enough for the racist and the former prime minister to pull apart from their passionate kiss.   
Though it seemed like years, the three were standing there, all rooted to the ground unable to move or make a sound; the seconds continued to pass and at this rate at least two of them should have died of old age.

It was Theresa who made the first move, by falling to the ground and passing out.

The men didn't know what to do at first until David shouted.

"Don't just stand there, we need to do cpr or something" he rushed over to her falling onto his knees next to her limp body.  
Donald rushed next to David  
"But I don't know how to do that, it would help her and I'm unable to help people, I usually do the opposi--" 

"Shut up for once" David shouted "your mouth may be good at kissing but talking or voicing your opinion isn't your strong suit" he let out in anger at the man.  
He then began to slap Theresa's face, a position many people would have liked to have been in.

Donald was hurt by David's words and decided he should maybe help the frail woman on the floor.  
"Well if my mouths only good for one thing" Donald declared and pressed his wrinkly old lips to Theresa's mouth.

Her eyes at first snapped open at the kiss of life she was receiving. But her eyes closed again, her arms proceeded to slither their way round the homophobes squishy body.

The rest remains a mystery, all one knows is that as David left the steamy shower room that day, he knew he hadn't had that much fun since Putin visited.


End file.
